I’ve never been one who is comfortable with uncertainty but I’m trying to take the measure of myself — without worrying about others who might be taking the measure of me. Truth is no one has time to take anyone else’s measure these days. We’re pretty self-absorbed.
I’m trying to let go of some issues/connections/relations that I’ve been holding on to for awhile.
A few recent incidents have got me thinking this way: A close friend I’ve known for more than 20 years canceled lunch on me three times straight. Another acquaintance who kept saying “let’s get together” just canceled lunch for the second straight time. A family reunion I’ve been planning for several months just got scrapped because my sister and father bailed. My brother had already been pretty iffy about coming.
I just gave up on a couple of jobs I’ve had in conjunction with my teaching position. I’m done with all that striving for someone else’s attention.
With all this canceling and giving up, you might think I’d be depressed or concerned about my lack of social connections. We often joke around our house that Mom and Dad don’t have any friends anymore.
But mostly I think, oh well. I’m feeling that keeping my own company for awhile might be a good thing. I need to prepare for my eldest’s departure to college. I need to do some writing. I need to talk to strangers — people whose agendas aren’t intermingled with mine. As I say in this blog, I need to get out more, and outside myself more, while keeping my own counsel.
It’s time to let go of a few things, and get on with it. Even if “it” is a bit uncertain.